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The Wisdom of a Broken Heart. Again.

10 Dec

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

Washington Irving

There are probably a few things you’ve learned about me from the last few posts

1) I write when I’m processing emotions
2) I have a lot of emotions to process right now
3) I’m an Aquarius

The first and second are the most important, though if you’re into astrology then maybe the third will give you some insight into the first two.  You may be asking yourself “why the hell doesn’t this girl invest in a diary and stop hitting publish on every damn thought that enters her head?” To that, gentle reader, I say this IS my diary. I have always written, always poured my heart out via my fingertips.

I thought about not publishing this series of miserable posts but after the first one I received so many comments from people who could relate that I thought I would continue. Also, I’m a total hippie bullshit freak and feel like if I can write about what’s in my head, it will help me to process these feelings and send them out into the universe. I know, right? Trust me, half of me is making fun of the other half just for typing that.

I have read a lot about shame and guilt and how those particular feelings can color our entire perception of ourselves. I have first-hand experience with both shame and guilt.  Without going into a lot of detail in this particular post, I branded myself with a giant scarlet A,  and made sure that nobody could hate me more than I hated myself, for years.

After I spectacularly drove my marriage into a ditch, I kept myself in a painful jail of guilt for many years.  I stayed in a relationship that was less of a relationship and more me trying my damndest to be the exception to the rule and trying to “fix” someone.   I stayed put either actively engaging in fix-mode or beating myself up for actively engaging in it. It was a no-win situation for my psyche, and I did it to myself. Cue the shame and guilt.

Guilt is deadly. Even now, I have a hard time accepting the choice I made to cut someone, the someone who these recent posts have been about, out of my life because after he told me that he didn’t have the capacity to care about me the way I cared about him, it just wasn’t good for me to be in contact with him anymore. It wasn’t healthy for me, and I absolutely hated the emotional wreck that I had become.  When he told me towards the end to let him know if I needed anything, my retort was “I need everything. That’s the problem I think”. Everything meant exclusivity.  And he couldn’t do it.

I have written about one of my favorite books called The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, by Susan Piver, and how it has taught me to give my feelings validity, and how not to be stuck in a cycle of guilt, or to be afraid of my feelings. I also learned how to just be still with my emotions, and ask myself what is happening to cause me anxiety. Once I realized that I was truly experiencing anxiety attacks waiting for him to tell me he was dating someone else, I had to be calm, and let go, and write 10,000 blog posts about my feelings, rather than stay engaged and inadvertently make him feel bad just for feeling the way I did, and make myself feel bad because of the way he didn’t.

So I stopped, because every single time I talked to him I thought surely it was the time when he would realize how amazing I was. It was killing me. And it hurt. And if I could figure out how to still talk to him and not feel like I was constantly being rejected, I would, but I don’t know how to do that.

I know this is not where I live. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I miss him every day. I’m a little angry. I’m Taylor fucking Swift.  However, this is not where I choose to reside. So now I’m working on telling myself that it is not a bad thing to do something that is right for me, even though it is so hard and it hurts. And I realize that even after all the work I did to pull myself up out of the jail of self-hatred and guilt that I had put myself in for years, the jail is still just right there, waiting. It’s up to me to keep walking by. I sentenced myself. I can pardon myself too.

heart

I’ll Stick to my Own Rules, Thank You

8 Dec

the rules

I just wrote a post a few days ago about being a “leaper”, meaning, someone who jumps in wholeheartedly with both feet into love, and how this is all well and good until you find yourself jumping into a swimming pool void of water, then you’re there, alone, with a broken heart, but that in the end, it is worth it and that I will ALWAYS be a leaper.

Sadly, I find the very nature of any kind of broken heart, whether it’s after 20 years, or 6 months (and mine falls in the 6 month category. What can I say, I fell fast and hard) is the equivalent of being on a roller coaster. Not the most original metaphor, but it is accurate. I could try to make it more timely and say that it is like being on a flight simulator, but I think roller coaster does the trick.  I am not feeling very much like a leaper right now, unless that leaping is a swan dive out of polite society to live humbly with my children, never speaking of dating again. Just hanging it up. Never mind. I had a good run. Let’s just call it a day.

In one weekend I have gone from feeling pretty okay to terribly sad to literally Googling “Does he miss me?” which let’s face it, is pretty pathetic (according to Google he probably does, so  thanks for that Google.) Google also directed me to brush up on The Rules. Remember this book? Back in the 1990’s you couldn’t swing one of Madonna’s pointy bras without hitting some woman who was RAVING about how this book changed her life and helped her nab the man of her dreams. All she had to do was behave like an entitled spoiled princess, and this presumably was the milkshake that brought all the boys to her yard.

I have never been much for rules in general. Blame the fact that I’m an Aquarius, and it is constantly the dawning of me, but besides obeying the very important rules that accompany flying (listen to the damn flight attendants) and obeying crossing signals (BIG RED HAND MEANS DON’T WALK), I consider myself someone who doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do for the most part.

I recently re-read The Rules and by recently, I mean within the last 2 days, not broken heart related exactly, but I found it when unpacking and gave it another go. Hell, maybe I could learn something, since I seem to suck so much at all things romantic. Very soon after starting to re-read it, I remembered what I disliked so much about it when I read it the first time, back when it came out, and now that I am the mother of two boys, it’s even more apparent. This book presents men like they are, for lack of a better term, dumbasses. Women come off no better for we are sorceresses just spinning our webs and waiting to ensnare some poor hapless dumbass to call our very own.

An ongoing theme in the book is that we women really have no say in our own romantic lives. I should wait for the man to contact me, I need to be vague, I need to remain as neutral and non-interested in the man as possible. This book is essentially the EXACT opposite of who I am as a person. I am a wear my heart on my sleeve oh my god you’re so funny please think I’m funny and let’s be in love together for as long as we are then let’s part and have good feelings about each other and not regret anything.  While my flavor of milkshake seems to be of the “thanks but no thanks and good luck to you in your future endeavors” variety, I have more respect for men as human beings than to adhere to this particular set of rules.

If you live by these rules and swear by them,then more power to you. Good for you.  I admit, there are a lot of things I should work on. I am a work in progress. I will never be someone who just stops growing, though right now I’m stuck in the maddening head space of all of a sudden not feeling smart enough or pretty enough or kind enough or cool enough or sexy enough, because of one person. One person who was nothing but nice, which sadly doesn’t make it any easier. Something I don’t think I need to work on though is how to be more aloof. Screw that. I will stick to my assertion that someday, even sans rules, someone will join me in my heart on my sleeve oh my god you’re so funny please think I’m funny and let’s be in love together for as long as we are then let’s part and have good feelings about each other and not regret anything kind of love.

Of course, tomorrow may be another feeling all together, but that’s okay. I have my own set of rules and they haven’t failed me yet –

1) Be kind
2) Love yourself
3) Embrace whatever feeling you’re feeling and know it is okay
4) No shame or guilt for authentic feelings

As far as rules for “man nabbing”….no idea. None at all.  I think the best I can do is abide by my life rules and not forget that even though I am a work in progress, that I am enough right now, dammit. Right this very second.

day onew

I Smell Sex and Dinosaurs

2 Oct

dino

Let me begin by stating that I am far from judgmental. I’m pretty open-minded sexzzzually (I can hear my Mom sighing all the way from here.  Hang in there, Mom, it’s not that bad). My belief is that if all parties involved are willing adults then have at it. I find the United States attitudes on sex to be very puritanical. I think we have it backwards and should be MORE sensitized to violence and LESS to nudity and sex. You can show somebody’s head being shot clean off their body in a movie and nobody blinks but show that body naked, with a penis, then OH MY GOD CLOSE YOUR EYES. I do realize sex and nudity are different things. I’m just saying in general; more sex, less violence.

And again, sex involving willing adults.

I realize willing adults are into all KINDS of things and it’s all groovy with me, man. Whatever.  I thought I was at least familiar with a lot of the kinks that exist. I’m a grown woman for heaven’s sake. I know about BDSM (and NO I am not referring to that Grey book. I refuse to read that because

1) everybody else loved it and I am a pill when it comes to things that become very popular and

2) I read excerpts and I was not impressed on the basis of literary merit alone

Mostly 1 though.

I know about people dressing up like animals and role play.  I saw the CSI episode about Plushies and Furries  and was absolutely FASCINATED by it. If you’re not familiar with the terms let me link to a random person on Yahoo Voices who felt it necessary to write something explaining the difference in the terms. Neal Litherland, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to try to educate all of us. I still don’t know what term I would use if I encountered a Plushy and/or Furry in real life because honestly I’ve read this yahoo voices piece a few times and I am finding it difficult to tell the difference.  The take away from this piece is mainly this

Though sometimes innocent playacting or costuming, there is a segment of the furry fan population which is sexually stimulated by furries (which explains the whopping amount of art and erotic games that feature furries on the Internet) and by emulating furries. Furry parties, for instance, are a nice way of phrasing that there may be a sexual get together for those who are furry fans and enthusiasts.

Some people like to put on animal costumes and get it on. It just sounds hot to me. HEAT hot, that is, but whatever, willing adults. Do your thang.

If I came across a person dressed in any kind of animal-like outfit I would probably simply walk the other way. Not because I harbor judgement towards them, simply because I would probably be a bit freaked out. I’m not nearly as bad ass as I might come across. I’m scared of clowns too, which is not true for everyone. Some people are actually sexually attracted to clowns. I cannot find the term “coulrophilia” in the REAL dictionary, but you better believe it is in Urban Dictionary. There was a CSI episode about that too. I tried to locate a clip on YouTube of the episode but I couldn’t find one. Don’t go looking for it yourself. Trust me. You don’t want to venture down that rabbit hole.

Most of my sexual knowledge came from CSI apparently. The rest is made up of my Mom having “the TALK” with me with the help of some GIANT old encyclopedias, watching scrambled Cinemax on Friday nights (or SKINEMAX as it was known around the school yard…wink wink), and the rest I just pieced together myself thanks to episodes of The Love Boat and movies like Sixteen Candles and Halloween. That last one mainly taught me that sex is bad, mmmkay. That old “the only one who survives until the end is the virgin” thing, but that is for another post.  I think I did a pretty good job of figuring out what’s what and I have a healthy respect for other people and what turns their crank.  I thought I knew a lot.

Until now. I stumbled onto something that I really did not even know existed. I found

DINOSAUR EROTICA.

That is, literature that features dinosaurs, REAL DINOSAURS, not people in a dinosaur costume, having sex with, according to the cover art at least, comely white women who, in one case apparently, are former Solid Gold Dancers.  I was okay with this dinosaur erotica thing, but gold bikini top, really?

dinosaursex

I wanted to include an excerpt from one of the books but after an absolutely exhaustive search, I could not find one that explained exactly how the dinosaur/human sex takes place. I cannot even IMAGINE the logistics of such a thing, BUT, Christie Sims can, and she was good enough to write it out for us, not once, not twice, but SEVERAL times, featuring many different species of dinosaur.

If you know anything about Amazon, or the internet, or smart-asses in general, you KNOW the reviews for these books are breathtaking. Here is just one

5.0 out of 5 stars The apotheosis of literature October 2, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
If you have been searching for dinosaur-on-woman porn (and who hasn’t been?), your search has at last reached its end. Filling a literary niche that, incredibly, has been ignored until now, the author has recognized the public’s insatiable interest in dinosaur lust for the ladies. Human ladies. I look forward to the sequels that will undoubtedly chronicle their ongoing romance, their subsequent affairs and rocky issues in their relationship, and the fates of their dino-human children.

Ms. Sims, I hope you sell a lot of books. I salute you. The rest of you, do yourselves a favor and read the reviews and if you think you can stomach it, read one of the books and let me know one thing; HOW? Just…how.

yeah

Willing adults, keep on shaggin’.

Now excuse me, I need to erase my internet browser history.

Hopelessly Falling in Love With Fictional Characters Since 1979

1 Jul

AMC's "Mad Men" Season 4 Premiere - ArrivalsI have watched the AMC show, Mad Men, since it aired six years ago. In that time, my feelings towards Jon Hamm’s character, Don Draper, have changed from almost idolatry to an uncomfortable truce with the person I now know he is. I used to find him rakish and charming, but now I find his cavalier attitude towards everyone and everything maddening.

He has demons. I get it. The creator of the show, Matthew Weiner, has shown us through flashbacks that he is haunted by his childhood. He grew up in a whorehouse and was witness to women being treated like, well, like whores. Don Draper is not even really who he is, name, credentials, and otherwise (girl, there is so much more, but just watch the show).  Because of the fact that he just won’t deal with his childhood, he hates himself, he drinks too much, he smokes too much, he makes reckless personal choices, and he has severe intimacy issues. He relates to women either as playthings to control or as arm candy that exists only for his pleasure.

I once wrote a letter to Don Draper (just in case you need any further proof that I am crazy) and this line “your choices are causing you to leave an indelible mark on everyone around you and at this point, if I stay involved with you, I will be the one to blame for the blackness you have left on me” stands out because, yes, I wrote the letter to the character Don Draper (and I’m not TOTALLY crazy, it was to be the blog post that turned into this), I was actually addressing someone from my past who reminds me very much of the character Don Draper.

I have always fallen in love with literary characters. Gilbert Blythe broke my heart right along with Anne Shirley back when I read Anne of Green Gables. Most recently, I ached for Naoko and Toru of Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. I look for bits and pieces of myself or people I have known in these characters that entrance me so. Sometimes it is easier to make sense of a past hurt or situation when seeing it through the eyes of someone else.

Recently, I watched the movie The Silver Linings Playbook, based on the novel of the same name by Matthew Quick. The book has been on my list of books to read for a while so when my friend Chelsea loaned me the movie I thought I would give it a shot.

I have never been one to go crazy over Bradley Cooper. I think we all know that my favorite cast member from The Hangover is Zach Galifianakis.  However, I was crazy silver liningsabout Bradley Cooper in this movie, and joked that of course I was because he was playing a bipolar man who’d had his heart shattered and that I was drawn to him for those reasons. Maybe , maybe not, but I truly was enthralled by him in this movie.

The true love affair for me,  however,  happened as I continued to watch the movie and I got to know Jennifer Lawrence’s character Tiffany, who plays Cooper’s dancing partner and love interest, eventually. This character was mesmerizing, and Lawrence, who was 21 years old when she made the movie, deserved the Oscar for best actress that she won this year. Let’s give her Gwyneth Paltrow’s Oscar that she won for Shakespeare in Love back in 1998 too because Jennifer Lawrence deserves two and Gwyneth doesn’t deserve any (and I love The Royal Tenenbaums as much as the next guy, but no. Sorry). Marissa Tomei, my dear departed dad’s love for you has kept your Oscar safe. For now.

I think this line encompasses why I love Tiffany so much –

“I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?”

The fact that her character made some choices that she wasn’t very proud of and she didn’t deny the fact that she made those choices and she didn’t blame anyone else, and she forgave herself, and embraced her “dirty and sloppy”, is an amazingly beautiful thing.

I am introspective, sometimes to a fault. I have tumbled choices around in my head to see them from every angle to try to figure out why I have done some things I have done. I have practically turned beating myself up for those choices into an art form when it became painfully evident that they were mistakes. I do this to hopefully try to learn and become a more evolved, better person. I’ll be honest, it can be exhausting and there are times I wish I was much more like someone who could package the ugly and the dirty and the sloppy into a pretty box and shove it way into the back of my mind and go on with my life, BUT, when I think that might be the way to live, I am reminded of Don Draper, the man who does just that, and the ugly that has permeated every square inch of his life because of it.

I won’t give up on Don Draper (the character), or Mad Men. I also won’t give up on myself.

“If you show someone the sun in your bones and they reject you, you must remember, they hurt themselves this very same way.”

nayyirah waheed

Books for Kids that Don’t Suck

14 May

When my boys were younger,  I would tell them non-traditional versions of classic stories. In my version, after the prince helped Rapunzel out of the tower, the two of them rode their horses through several little towns that were in need of a doctor, and she decided to go to medical school and provide medical services for the townsfolk.  She and the prince got married and their child ended up being the girl in Rumpelstiltskin, which featured a misunderstood disfigured little person who befriended the little girl who saw past his exterior.

Before the movie Hoodwinked even came out, in my version, Little Red Riding Hood was a bad ass and she didn’t need to wait for any lumberjack to come and save her from the wolf. She took care of that herself.  By the time the lumberjack came along, Red and granny were enjoying the treats Red’s mother had made and the lumberjack hauled the body of the wolf away.

The Little Red Hen was less about the lazy farm animals and more about why the little red hen couldn’t earn a living wage and had to live with 3 other animals (okay, I never told that story, but now I kind of want to).

Granted, I might have told the stories the way I did partly because I couldn’t remember the original versions but also  because I was sorely disappointed in the stories of my youth. In the stories I heard, females were helpless and waiting for their princes, or they were helpless and waiting for a lumberjack to come take care of the big scary wolf for them, or they were hens who couldn’t afford to live alone because they earned so much less than their rooster counterparts.

I heard these stories growing up, but my mom was far from one to tell me to wait for anybody or anything to save me. I vividly remember as a child watching a news report with my mom about a study that was done that said that during an attack women who did not struggle were more apt to get out of the attack unharmed.  My mom looked at me and said “you fight. You fight like hell”.

Once the boys got tired of my willy-nilly style of story-telling, I made it my quest to find books that were intriguing, had good lessons, and characters, male or female, in non-traditional roles. Here are a few that I found that fulfilled that wish and are charming and appealed to the boys, and didn’t make me want to stab myself in the eye when reading them aloud.

Pirate Girl  by Cornelia Funke – This is the story of plucky Molly, who is kidnapped by a not really very scary pirate, Captain Firebeard, while pirate girlsailing to visit her grandmother. The pirates take her aboard their ship with high hopes of holding her for ransom.  They try to convince her to tell them the name and address of her parents but Molly refuses.  Molly waits until the  pirates are all asleep every night and she puts notes into bottles (empty rum bottles, hence the pirates sleeping so soundly) and tosses them overboard hoping to signal for help. Help does come, in the form of Molly’s pirate queen mom, Barbarous Bertha.

The boys both really liked this story and the pirate voices are always fun to imitate when reading aloud.

I read an Amazon review that said that this book might be a little much for some kids, so I guess  if your child has a fear of pirates or the ocean or ships or rum or frightens relatively easily then skip this one, or read it to them as kind of immersion therapy, it’ll put hair on their chest.  I kid,of course. I suppose you won’t know what your child likes until you read it to them or they read it themselves, so your local library is a great place to try out books before you add them to your personal collection.

ThePrincessKnight_000The Princess Knight  by Cornelia Funke – I don’t know if I knew before right this second that Cornelia Funke wrote both of these books. You go, Ms. Funke. Anyway, The Princess Knight is Violetta, the king’s daughter, who is told that she has to get married because that is what girls do. Violetta would much rather learn how to be a knight, like her 3 brothers. Her father, the king, tells her that she will marry whoever wins a contest he has set up for her.  I don’t want to give away the ending but Violetta enters the contest herself and wins and makes her own decisions. DANG, I gave it away anyway.

Once again, the reviews on Amazon for this book are mixed, manly because the first page of the book states, without fanfare, that the queen, Violetta’s mom, dies when Violetta is born. This was never an issue for the boys and it actually gave me an opportunity to tell them a little about what it means when someone dies.  But, again,  if this is not something you are comfortable with or think they won’t be comfortable with then cross this one off the list.

Wink: The Ninja Who Wanted to be Noticed  by J.C.Phillips –  My youngest is fascinated with Asian culture and has been for many years. Ininja found this book because of the whole Ninja aspect, but was delighted, yes delighted, when I discovered that it has a lot to do with individuality and being comfortable with following your own path as well. Wink is in ninja training but would really rather be a performer than a stealthy ninja. His grandmother helps him realize his dream and combine his love of ninja-ing and performing, and yes, ninja-ing is totally a word.

Amazon reviewers have nothing negative to say about this book.  WHAT THE HELL, Amazon reviewers? Just for fun I read the three reviews that gave Wink a 4 out of 5 and their reviews are good too. I’m shocked that nobody could think of anything snarky to say, but unless your child is scared of ninjas, this book should be a good fit for them.

stripesA Bad Case of Stripes by David Shannon  – Camilla Cream is the little girl who develops a bad case of stripes and only when she stops worrying so much about what other people think of her do the stripes go away. This book is still a favorite in my house and I am even asked to read it aloud every now and then.

This book has all positive reviews except for one reader who gave it 1 star out of 5 because his kindergarten age child has had nightmares since the book was read in her kindergarten class, and apparently is so scarred by the book she mumbles “the girl with the stripes” in her sleep, so, take that into consideration, albeit, with a huge grain of salt.

I will say, you never know what is going to scare some kids. I was terrified by the movie Gremlins. I was less a “kid” than a “teenager” but still, that Spike creature scared the bejesus out of me.

Todd Parr – This one is only an author because anything this man has written is awesome, from the silliness of Zoo Do’s and Dont’s,  that is still it's okayquoted by me and my ex-husband on occasion,  to the lovely  It’s Okay to be Different, because really, it IS okay to be different, to his books featuring his dog Otto, because who doesn’t love dogs?  All of his books are super bright and the illustrations are simple but engaging and the stories are sweet and/or funny.

I refuse to read the Amazon reviews for any of his books because I would like to hope that nobody has anything bad to say about them, but I have given human beings the benefit of the doubt before only to be proven wrong. I prefer to live in my bubble of ignorance on this particular subject.  Yay, bubbles!

Online Dating Sucks…

7 Mar

dating sucks

I just finished reading Online Dating Sucks…But It’s How I Fell in Love by John P. Gavin.  Given my long and sordid history with online dating I thought this book would be good for a few laughs, and it is, but it is really so much more than that.

As I read, I was struck by Gavin’s honesty. He addresses his own marriage and subsequent divorce, the fact that after his divorce he was a “player”, and of course, his experiences with online dating.  Besides all of that though, Gavin gives insight on the very differences between how men and women think, and of course there are exceptions to everything, but on the whole, I found myself nodding in agreement.

Perhaps my favorite thing about reading this book was the vindication I felt about some of the things I always suspected to be true.   I always had a sneaky suspicion that men tended to write their profiles sort of as the men they hoped to be.  Again, not every man does this, but I have no doubt some do. Just as I am sure some women do.

Gavin gives excellent advice to anyone who is thinking about entering the world of online dating. Advice that includes first and foremost deciding what you’re looking for. This is very important because if you don’t know then you are likely to be manipulated by someone who DOES know what they are looking for. It’s okay to want to casually date, if that is what you want. It’s okay to NOT want to just casually date if you are hoping to settle down and get married.  Just keep your goals in mind and don’t be afraid to stand your ground.

Also, something I could not do without ever, the importance of keeping a sense of humor when online dating. Like I said in my iReport, you have to have a thick skin and you have to let things roll off your back. I am a big proponent in realizing that you cannot control what others think of you. This is something I still struggle with and is not my default state, but I am getting there.  It is imperative when online dating, or dating in general really, that you not obsess over that guy who didn’t answer your email, or the woman who didn’t return your wink.  Gavin says it best so I will quote him, “worrying about what’s beyond one’s control is a recipe for disaster – let him think what he wants and move on – there are plenty more guys out there.”

This brings me to my next favorite part of the book. I found it to be almost spiritual in some ways. Gavin talks about the book The Four Agreements, and I had heard of this book, but I had not thought to apply it to online dating, but it makes sense as the Agreements are meant to be lived by, and if online dating is in your life, The Four Agreements should be as well.  I highlighted so much of this book and the last time I had done that was when I read a book about getting over a broken heart.  This book spoke to me like that one did.

My ONLY problem with the book is the whole age thing in regards to online dating but only because I did my own experiment and it really is true that after the age of 40, women seem to drop off the face of the earth on dating sites.  For a while I had my actual age on my profile, 43 (42 before this past January) and I got very few messages.  Very few.  I changed my age to 39 and Chuck Woolery bar the door, I was getting a TON of messages. Young men, middle aged men, old men, one woman (seriously), I was the most popular gal on all of OKCupid! Then, January came along and my age switched from 39 to 40, and it all stopped.  I went from being a hot commodity to feeling like I needed to invest in Depends undergarments.  While I agree with what Gavin says about not wanting to build a relationship on a lie I don’t know what my other options could be except to wait for 7 more years to join the  “Our Time” dating site.  They look like they’re having a lot of fun in those commercials.

In all seriousness, I recommend this book to anyone who is currently on the dating sites, thinking about joining dating sites, or even if you are not online and are just dating. There is so much good insight into relationships and doing the hard work necessary to make one work, if that’s your thing.

J. A. Allen

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