My New Normal

10 Mar

The last thing I want to do is whine, that’s not true, the last thing I want to do is any math whatsoever, I’m pretty okay with whining, I just don’t want to be PERCEIVED AS A WHINER. I just want to try to explain what my life is like now post-stroke. I can sum it up in one sentence, everything is difficult now, or more difficult.  I don’t just mean big things like getting up in the morning at 6:00 and taking the boys to school, I’ve never been a morning person, I don’t just mean typing with one hand, I mean taking a shower and drying my hair and putting on makeup and getting dressed, things that I would do without even giving it one thought before.You might be thinking ” so don’t dry your hair or put on makeup” to that I say, I am a southerrn woman, that is not an option, plus if I look decent I tend to feel a bit better and its not like I wear a lot of makeup but putting on mascara didn’t used to be a tiring thing, but, as the title says this is my new normal. The kind of tired I am is not the kind that a nap really helps, imagine studying for hours and your brain feeling scrambled and you’re impatient and snappy because you’re so damn tired then imagine that you wake up feeling like that even though you’ve gotten upwards of 10 hours of sleep.

 

I tried comedy for the first time since the stroke and I’m back to using notes and I’ve had to start all over again, I got through five minutes on stage but my delivery and timing was pretty awful but I got lots of laughs which is a huge compliment to my material being good and I know it is,but before I was up to doing feature sets, for 20 minutes with no notes, I have no idea how long until I am up to that level again, it might be years, but I’m not giving up  getting there and even going beyond. the thing that is the hardest for me is embracing that the person before has ceased to exist, she’s gone, and this tired barely made up robot-voiced weirdo is in her place.

 

All I’m saying is if I seem ‘off’ or over-emotional, give me a break, this is my new normal and I’m sincerely doing the best I can to accept it. and I’m tired and yes whiny. look,  here are pictures of me wearing pretty rented dresses.

 

dressgreyblack

2 Responses to “My New Normal”

  1. jazzcookie March 10, 2015 at 10:55 pm #

    Love the dresses and you in the dresses…Give yourself a break, honey. Nobody thinks you’re whining. We think you’re WINNING! I’m glad to hear you tried comedy again…Nobody’s gonna break your stride…and that makes the rest of think we might be able to do a few things, too.

    About not wanting to do math: I met a guy once who was mathematician for a big utility company. I confessed to him that I was terrible in math and hated story problems. He said, “The only thing that brings terror to my heart is when somebody says ‘If one car leaves Chicago at 7 a.m….'” We ended up laughing until we cried. Keep on keepin’ on, girl.

  2. Amy March 15, 2015 at 11:00 pm #

    thank you, once again for your sweet words, I am my own worst enemy, its not easy to give myself a break, but I will try 🙂 story problems are the stuff of nightmares!

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