It’s My Party

27 Jan

In just a few short days I will be turning 44 years old.  I have written before about things I thought I would have accomplished by this point, and I think I wrote that last year, so presumably, more things have landed on that list.

This past weekend I went to the discount store with a friend and I bought, among other things, a shower curtain. I am still loving renting and living in the house that belongs to my brother and sister-in-law, but the color scheme in the house is not my personal color scheme.  I don’t dislike it, I just have everything in shades of blues and greens and in this house there are very few blues and greens, rather maroons and browns. I had been using my old shower curtain that had circles in blues and greens all over it, and it totally clashed with the wallpaper that has muted shades of red and pink on it, with a border at the bottom of pink. I found a shower curtain and told my friend who was shopping with me that “I think things will finally start coming together for me, because my shower curtain will match my wallpaper”.  I was kidding, but it made me think  how when I was a kid, I really did think that things would just “make sense” by the time I reached a certain age.

I don’t know what age that is, but I can tell you, I haven’t reached it yet.

My eldest son commented that our house feels like a motivational seminar because of all the signs I have chosen to hang in our home. I am a huge believer in the power of the universe. I have written about my vision board and I really do feel that words have the power to motivate and bring about change. Whether that change is positive or negative depends on the words and images in which you have chosen to surround yourself. I’m not DELUSIONAL. I think it takes more than just hanging a few posters in your house to affect change, but I do think it helps.

forwhatitsworth

As I sit here typing this with the television show Iyanla Fix My Life, playing on my TV behind me, it strikes me that there isn’t a magical age where everything suddenly makes sense. I don’t know for sure,  but I don’t think anybody wakes up one morning and all of a sudden they’ve got it all figured out. I do think that each morning we wake up we can choose to try to live the life we want to live or we can choose to be afraid to make changes that may lead to that life.  I don’t want to ever become comfortable with just existing. I don’t want to be ruled by fear. I want so much for my boys to take to heart everything that is on this sign, and I want to show them by example.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”- Eric Roth

That damn shower curtain still doesn’t match the wallpaper but instead of getting stuck in thinking that by this age I should have it more together than I do, I will revel in the fact that I am not where I was 5 years ago, or 1 year ago, or 1 month ago, and that is because I have made forward movement.  Things have not fallen into place exactly how I would like them to, but this is my kaleidoscope, and I have the power to turn it myself to make a more pleasing pattern.

Really, how am I not writing greeting cards or something? That last sentence is a thing of freaking beauty.

6 Responses to “It’s My Party”

  1. donofalltrades January 27, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

    So the shower curtain wasn’t as life altering as you’d thought it’d be? That’s a little disappointing as I could pretty easily afford a new shower curtain, especially if it would change my life for the better. I’ve come to grips with the fact that I’ll never really have the answers and that I’m probably not as wise as a reasonable adult should be, but I’m okay with faking my way through it.

    • Amy January 29, 2014 at 8:21 pm #

      It was not as life altering as I thought it would be. It’s almost like it didn’t make a difference at all.

      Hear hear my good man. I’m doing the best I can and dammit, that’s all I can do.

  2. markd60 January 28, 2014 at 8:10 am #

    Sigh, I’m turning 54 this year, and I’m still the same kid I was when I was little.

    • Amy January 29, 2014 at 8:23 pm #

      Thanks for reading. From what I’ve read, you are not alone. None of us feel like we’ve changed all that much.

  3. Deech78259 January 29, 2014 at 12:24 pm #

    I am coming to the same realization. However, I am finding that all the things society holds dear, seem, well, petty in a way. People that fight for money or power or prestige…to me it seems not worthy fighting for. In the end, I feel its the connections to others that matter. God this is deep….I need a beer.

    • Amy January 29, 2014 at 8:24 pm #

      Well said my friend, and yes, that was deep, man 🙂

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