Brace Yourselves…It’s the Year of Amy

4 Jan

I have an exciting year ahead of me, even though thus far the most excitement I have had is putting egg nog in my coffee (really how long have you people known about this?) I had the pleasure of ringing in the new year with my children and some other friends, including one of my oldest friends and her fiancée. They will be married on 12/13/14, and they will be married by ME. When my lovely Dawn asked me if I could do the honor of marrying her, at first I was so excited because I know she’s a neat freak, so I thought for sure I would be the sister-wife who wouldn’t have to clean, then I thought, ugh, that means the cooking will fall on my shoulders, and I’m not down with that either. I doubt I could convince two more people that a “snack plate” consisting of a fruit, a veggie, some lunch meat, cheese of some sort, bread, pickles, and other various accompaniments, is a real meal, though I am pleased as can be that my kids are on board with it. When she explained that she meant ACTUALLY perform the ceremony, I became even MORE excited, because that means I can finally do my Peter Cook in the Princess Bride impersonation

In all seriousness, I am beyond thrilled to be asked to do something so special for someone who is so special to me. I just need to pick a reputable internet church and become an ordained high priestess of some sort. I plan to pick whichever one will allow me to wear a huge headdress and will insist that everyone refer to me as First Lady High Priestess. I don’t think it’s asking too much.

Speaking of asking too much, I don’t really make resolutions. I am constantly trying to improve and evolve as it is. I do have some goals for 2014, and no, none of them include the phrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” because my GOD, have you never eaten brie cheese wrapped in pastry fresh out of the oven? Or a flourless chocolate cake? Or a McRib? What can I say, I’m a woman of great and varied tastes. Exercising more is on my list, because it makes me feel good to exercise. Let’s not make a big thing out of it.

I am also going to try stand-up comedy this year. It is something I have always wanted to do and haven’t because of sheer fear. Just writing this terrifies me because I know some of you just snorted and thought to yourselves “good luck bitch”, and to that I say mom, I could really use your support. I AM KIDDING. My mother is a saint and has always been supportive. I have not decided if I want everybody I know to attend, or just a few, or nobody. I am writing material and will be trying it out on unsuspecting coworkers and cashiers, so be honest, coworkers and cashiers who read my blog.

I will also be getting more involved in causes that I feel strongly about. My children have this whole “thing” about me being a “warrior, a fighter, fighting for people’s rights even when it’s hard”. It’s just good-natured ribbing from a couple of delightfully impish smartasses, but I really do love that they see me as someone who does not back down and who does fight for things in which I believe.

Not falling in love with people who do not have the capacity to love me back is also on the list, or it WAS before I discovered this book, My Heart is an Idiot, by Davy Rothbart. NOW I am thinking of writing a book filled with essays of my own, and calling it My Heart is Stupider Than Yours. Maybe the title needs some work. I do think I have enough up to this point to fill a book, so I’m done now.

I want to go to the beach more. I live in Florida, and my boys and I love the beach. I have decorated my bedroom in a beach theme (with a splash of Jaws thrown in because I’m a total weirdo). I always feel my best at the beach. I am making it a goal to load the boys in the car and head over to a beach as often as possible. Going for a day is absolutely possible and my grandmother lives in St. Augustine, and she would love to have a visit from us. Probably.

My children are happy and healthy and incredible,  I have a good relationship with my ex-husband and we are good co-parents together, I live in a beautiful house now thanks to my brother and sister-in-law, I have amazing friends including my sister who is both my cheerleader and savior, and I am FOR THE MOST PART, just a happy person. I know I am grateful and I am ready to embark on this year appreciating where I am and where I was and looking forward to whatever lies ahead.


7 Responses to “Brace Yourselves…It’s the Year of Amy”

  1. Jazz Cookie January 4, 2014 at 4:22 pm #

    The Year of Amy is going to be a great one!

  2. bensbitterblog January 4, 2014 at 5:36 pm #

    I can’t wait to see you become famous at stand up, then steal your material and because famous for stealing it.

    • Amy January 24, 2014 at 3:10 pm #

      BEN…this is so sweet. Thank you.

      • bensbitterblog January 25, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

        Well I need to get more bitter then.

  3. pattypetal January 5, 2014 at 7:56 pm #

    You go girl! Love you.

  4. Deech78259 January 5, 2014 at 9:11 pm #

    This is an Awesome post! Here is hoping that all goes as planned or better for you in 2014. And I wished I lived closer. I would so go see your stand up routine.

    • Amy January 24, 2014 at 3:08 pm #

      Thank you so much! Same to you dear Joker.

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