Look to Miss Piggy for REAL Guidance

13 Dec

As I try to crawl out of Amyland and pick up the pieces of my heart and start to move the hell on, I want to recognize that I am thankful for a few things  –

1) This is not a bad thing. Having a broken heart means that I was open and vulnerable and I tried. If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to have deep enough feelings for someone so that they could break my heart  I would have said hell no. Not going down that path again. But, I did. And I will again.

2) When trying to make a list of things that you don’t like about someone, and the only thing on the list is “wants to date other people”,  that is really all you need to remember, unless you’re okay with that then fine. If you’re me,  it’s not fine. And here we are.

3) My friends, including my ex-husband and his girlfriend, and my sister, are amazingly supportive.

One of my friends named Cara, and I’m fortunate to have two friends named Cara, one long distance and one right here in town, reminded me of someone I have looked to for advice and guidance more than once in my life.


Miss Piggy

I have been a big fan of Miss Piggy and her sense of humor, her sense of self, and her sense of style for as long as I can remember.  In elementary school a girl told me that I reminded her of Miss Piggy. I was so flattered until I realized she meant it as an insult. This girl continued to tell me that the boy I had a crush on was Kermit. She was trying to say that he was skinny and little and I was big and fat. Turns out this girl was kind of a bitch.

I would be totally flattered to be told that I remind one of Miss Piggy. I used to watch her on the Muppet Show when I was a kid, and I marveled at her confidence. I played with Barbie dolls. I played with them until I was a teenager in fact. I also had a Miss Piggy doll. My dolls all played together. They all swam in my ghetto version of a Barbie pool, a giant Tupperware bowl, together.  In my mind, Miss Piggy talked to Barbie about waking up to the fact that Ken was more into the Donny Osmond doll than her, and they shared makeup tips, mainly eye shadow application techniques.

I credit Miss Piggy, because of her ever-present lavender ones, for introducing me to the world of opera length gloves, which I memorably wore to the opening event of the Dick Tracy movie at MGM Studios in Orlando. I wore black opera length gloves with a white lace shorts suit, that is shorts and a jacket, with a black bustier underneath. STOP LAUGHING, IT WAS THE 80’s.  My date was my Brett, who I made wear a tuxedo. We were both very overdressed, and he was mad at me until we got there and discovered the free booze and food.  I learned a valuable lesson that night about not mixing whiskey sours and escargot. Actually, the lesson was more learned the next day, when I went out to my car and saw where  I had thrown up on the way home and it didn’t make it further than outside the passenger side of the car, and there, swimming in a pool of vomit and whiskey, were perfectly formed snails.

Miss Piggy knows who she is. She revels in who she is.  She doesn’t let other people tell her who she should be, or how she should behave.  When having a hard time, ask yourself, WWMPD? What would Miss Piggy do…and go from there. Here are just a few pearls of wisdom from the blonde bombshell.

You have to be going to a pretty awful place if getting there is half the fun.

There is no one on the planet to compare with moi.

Express your feelings all the time unless you’re trying to hide something.

There is the satisfaction of providing your public with a vision of true beautology, true sytlisity, – how can I put it? – true glamorositude.

Only time can heal a broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.


10 Responses to “Look to Miss Piggy for REAL Guidance”

  1. Jazz Cookie December 13, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

    Oh, I love Miss Piggy! Here’s my favorite piece of her advice: “When opportunity knocks, you don’t just let him in. You put on some soft music, get out the Taittinger’66 and pin him to the couch!”

    Wish I could see you in those opera length gloves…and the rest of the outfit…
    Love you,

    • Amy December 16, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

      My darling Molly, I have a picture somewhere of me in the gloves! I have to find it and post it. I love you to pieces. Hope your holidays are fabulous and I can’t wait to dig in and read your blog. xoxoxo

  2. kerbey December 13, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

    If I recall, she was a bit possessive w/ Kermie. But other than that…

    • Amy December 16, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

      Well, I didn’t say she was PERFECT 🙂 She was pretty possessive of her favorite green beau. I think my point of the post was more “how about I try NOT crying for a week and actually try to write something relatively amusing” more than “I want to be just like Miss Piggy” 🙂

      • kerbey December 16, 2013 at 4:04 pm #

        You just yell “hi-YAH” and do her karate moves, and you will be as strong as her. And it was amusing.

  3. datinginvegas December 14, 2013 at 2:35 am #

    Miss Piggy is my favorite too! I love a diva that can kick butt! (Don’t feel bad, I got called that as a kid too because of my nose..kids can be cruel.)

  4. bensbitterblog December 16, 2013 at 12:22 am #

    Why are you trying to be thankful again? This time of year is the time to be selfish and bitter.

    • Amy December 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

      Oh, I go back and forth. Selfish and bitter is always just right there in the back of my mind. I know that makes you proud 🙂

      • Amy December 16, 2013 at 3:17 pm #

        Excellent way to describe her. A diva that can kick butt! Yeah, kids can be pretty nasty. So can adults actually. Hope you are doing well my dear 🙂

      • bensbitterblog December 16, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

        Now we just need to get you to move it from the back of your mind to the front. I’ll keep working on you…

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