Good Intentions…An Early Mother’s Day Story

30 Apr


I was a ballerina.  Not in a Natalie Portman Black Swan sort of way, more in a little bee girl from the Blind Melon ‘No Rain’ video sort of way. I was always a little roly-poly butterball and never took ballet very seriously, if at all.  My sister was the ballerina, and a very good one at that.  I only took ballet for about 5 years and was cast in illustrious roles such as ‘stuffed lion’, ‘popcorn ball’, and ‘doll ‘– both China AND baby.  I sucked. I liked the costumes very much but I did not like the rehearsing or the actual DANCING and I certainly did not like being told I ate too many McDonald’s French fries. Fuck that noise. My dad took me out for hot fudge cake after my ballet classes. He knew what time it was. I also didn’t like the grande dame of the studio. We’ll call her Miss Joni (because that was her name).

Miss Joni was presumably a beautiful woman and dancer at some point in her life. Some point before I knew her. Way before. When I knew her she was SUPER thin. Skeletal. She had a prominent nose and short, curly black hair. She looked a lot like a witch and she was mean. My mom at one point was the president of the dance company.  My mom didn’t like Miss Joni very much and I don’t think she liked my mom, and EVERYBODY liked my mom.  I remember her husband being a very nice man and even as a kid I remember feeling sorry for him.


A good likeness of the kitten I stole

One evening, my mom and I had to go to Miss Joni’s house, which was right next door to the dance studio. I’m not sure why we were there, but I remember Miss Joni and mom talking and leaving me in one part of the house.  Miss Joni had a menagerie of porcelain animals. One of them was a small kitten with a pink bow around its neck. This kitten was probably about ½ an inch tall. It was very tiny and I loved it instantly.  I had to rescue the kitten from its horrible existence trapped in a glass case inside a witch’s house.  I took the kitten and put it in my pocket and took it home.  That night, as I was giving the kitten a bath in the bathroom sink, my mom walked in and knew what I had done.  I explained to my mom my reasoning behind taking the kitten. Surely she would empathize and let me keep the kitten and perhaps even arrange rescue missions for all of the other porcelain animals that were still trapped there.  We could set up a veritable underground railroad for abused porcelain animals.  Mom didn’t exactly see it the way I did. She made me take the kitten back to Miss Joni’s house and apologize to her for taking it in the first place.

Now that I am a mom, I realize that my mother must have been mortified to have to explain to that evil woman that her baby daughter, who was too fat for ballet, was also a kleptomaniac. My mom never made me feel badly about it though. She was sweet and understanding then like she has been so many other times when her daughter made a choice that she thought was a good one at the time but that truly was pretty dumb. And yes, this still happens.

My mom was just the way I hope I am when my boys do something that is not malicious, but perhaps just not the most well thought out.  Like this past weekend when  my eldest convinced his baby brother that riding the skateboard down the steps of the porch would be “AWESOME! Just like on Wipe Out!” At least he also convinced him to wear a helmet. Or like the time both boys thought feeding the dog almost all the peanut butter in the jar at one time would be super fun (in the span of me being outside in the laundry room). Dog diarrhea is never super fun.

I know I say I don’t know what the hell I’m doing as far as parenting goes but maybe I know a LITTLE, but only because my mom has shown me. For that EVERYONE, including the dog, should be thankful. I know I am.

6 Responses to “Good Intentions…An Early Mother’s Day Story”

  1. bensbitterblog April 30, 2013 at 2:14 am #

    Your mom set a good example of what you are now, I’m sure. Hope you have a good mother’s day, because it always overshadows father’s day. Does anyone even do anything for father’s day?

    • Amy April 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

      My mom is a saintly woman. A curly haired saint.

      HEY we do something for Father’s Day, every year. Probably take the ex-ball and chain out to lunch or something, and the boys will get him a gift or 2.

      Make your family take you out for Father’s day Ben.

      • bensbitterblog May 1, 2013 at 3:19 am #

        They will probably forget that it is even the day.

  2. donofalltrades April 30, 2013 at 3:10 am #

    Lol, chubby ballerina klepto…that’s gotta be worth something.

    • Amy April 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

      I think it is worth something. It explains why my boys are such goofballs. 🙂

  3. Miss Molly May 1, 2013 at 12:21 am #

    Oh, Amy, this is so great. Your mom is one of the best. You can tell her I said so. And just think, when you’re old, your boys will be telling wonderful stories about what a good mom you were! It runs in families. xo

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