What the Hell, Fashion?

26 Apr

I enjoy fashion. I own and un-ironically wear far too many embellished sweaters to be considered someone who takes fashion seriously, but I do like to be aware of the trends. I also like to see the new collections, mainly so I can shake my head and proclaim how crazy/ugly/expensive it all is, all from the comfort of my trailer home.

I realize that the version of an item that is seen on the runway in a collection is usually an extreme version. For instance, a dress that is shown on the runway that has huge cut-outs in the shape of a goldfish and giant flouncy sleeves might be sold as a much more marketable piece as a dress with smaller cutouts in the shape of a goldfish and smaller sleeves. That sounds so cute right? I should design clothes.

Anyway, with that in mind, some of these clothes still confuse me.  I do know that these are stars or starlets or just plain rich folks and the rules are different for them but I chose them because it wouldn’t be fun to talk about my neighbor wearing a T-Shirt and shorts in his yard because first of all, he rocks those shorts, and second of all, I lied about the T-Shirt. This neighborhood has a very lax shirt policy, and talking about just a pair of daisy duke cut off shorts, no matter how fabulous, is stretching it. Even for me.

pantsHistory lesson – Back in the olden days when women had Cesarean sections, they were cut from belly button down to their vaginas, unlike the “horizontal bikini cut” that is done now. This is what I think of when I see these pants. Nobody needs to think of that, yet we all are now, aren’t we? All because of these pants. And to a lesser extent perhaps I too am to blame for that visual.  But mostly these horrible pants.

 

vacuum

 

When I was in High School, my best friend Brett’s mom had something that looked a lot like this, though it was a mouse doll with a long dress, that went over the handle of her vacuum and the dress trailed all the way down to the floor.  I guess it was to hide the vacuum. Why would you want to look like you have a vacuum cleaner under your dress?

 

mulletI don’t understand mullet dresses and although I love sci-fi as a genre, I do not enjoy this dress at all. I am rather scared by it.

 

 

 

kat

It’s Project Runway – take this 1995 Camaro and see what you can do with it.  Nice use of the seat belt. Tim Gunn is somewhere clucking his tongue at an alarming rate.

 

 

 

elaineMy youngest son is very interested in magic. I cannot wait to show him the assistant costume I found that I will be wearing in his act.

I love Elaine Stritch, she seems like a total hoot. I plan to dress just like this when I am her age and/or just don’t give a crap what people think anymore. So, in about 5 years.

 

quilted

 

Please tell me wearing quilted camouflage sleeping bags out in public does not become a thing. Wait a second…that sounds awfully comfortable. I’m okay with this one.

 

5 Responses to “What the Hell, Fashion?”

  1. Miss Molly April 26, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    I’m forwarding this to my fashion maven daughter who will laugh as hard as I did (it’s genetic, along with crying at every happy occasion)…We love you and often cry when we read your posts – that’s a good thing.

  2. MissFourEyes April 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm #

    Haha! That last one, what was she going for? ‘Oh now you see me, now you don’t!’
    But you’re right, I wouldn’t mind wearing a sleeping bag. I’d be like falling on clouds every time I tripped.

  3. muddledmom April 26, 2013 at 6:50 pm #

    Those pants! Yowza. Not an area on my body that I want to accentuate. Maybe it’s just me.

  4. bensbitterblog April 27, 2013 at 1:52 am #

    What in the heaven’s name fashion? I think that the one dress is hiding a roomba underneath. It’s fully functional because it vacuums the red carpet while she walks.

  5. MommyVerbs April 28, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

    Because I think you are all kinds of awesome, I’ve nominated you for a Versatile Blogger Award. I know you are a busy blogger, so don’t feel overly obligated to play. Just know that it comes with a badge for your blog and a box of organic dark chocolate. From me. With love. Here are the ‘deets’ as they say: http://mommyverbs.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/versatile-blogging-award/

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