What WOULD Ryan Lochte Do?

30 Mar



Last weekend, while roller skating with Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte,  I had an unpleasant experience with a fellow mom.

Maybe I should expound on the above statement.  It wasn’t so much UNPLEASANT as it was kind of sad.  Maybe I should expound on the OTHER part of the above. Why I was roller skating with Ryan Lochte, Olympic Gold Medalist.

I took my boys to a roller skating rink on a rainy Sunday afternoon to get some exercise and to kick off their spring break. I was wearing a dirty KISS t-shirt, dirty because I spilled half my lunch down the front before going to the skating rink, but hell, who cares, right? It’ s just roller skating with my children.  Also, I was using “nature’s conditioner” on my hair, meaning I hadn’t washed it in a few days but again, SO WHAT? Throw it up in a pony tail and let’s go have some fun!

Shortly after we got our skates and were putting them on we were approached by a perky young girl who asked us if we knew who Ryan Lochte was.  Well, DUH, we’re good Americans AND we live in Gainesville, home of Ryan’s Alma Mater, University of Florida. I told her that yes we did and she told us that Ryan would be there filming his new reality TV show, something I have since discovered will air on the E! Network called “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”  I was not exactly camera friendly, but this was still pretty awesome, and the boys thought it was very cool too.  Cute name for a show too though from what I saw at the filming, Ryan Lochte would be a ridiculously adorable and charming young man. Not sure how they will parlay that into a TV show, but hell, I’m no television executive.

We signed the waivers and Ryan and family set about mugging for the camera. I mean, I’m a pretty animated person naturally, but these people were so over the top animated that it was silly. I can only presume that they have been told to do so. Imagine how boring it would be to watch people skate around and around in a circle. Throw in some stupid ballroom dancing on skates, chasing your mom to get her to skate, and crashing into your brother and the table of the nice lady trying to ignore you (that would be me) and THAT’S entertainment.

At some point during the day, I noticed a little girl, about 2 or 3 maybe,  standing on a chair and crying. I sat and watched her for a few minutes and waited for someone to come to the table for her but nobody did. The little girl was close enough to me that I could talk to her without getting up so I asked her “are you looking for your mommy?” She nodded and I told her “well let’s go find her” and I got up and took her hand and was going to take her to the front where we could find her mom. In hindsight, I should have just sat and watched the kid because if her mom told her to wait at the table for her, that’s what she should have done, BUT, this kid was CRYING, hysterically crying, and it was heartbreaking.

As the little girl and I started to walk to the front the little girl took off and found her mom who was about midway between the table and the front where we were headed. The mom gave me the DIRTIEST look when she saw me with her child and said “what did you do?” to ME.  I just told her that her daughter panicked a little bit and was upset. Again, in hindsight, I don’t know what I would have done if the roles had been reversed and maybe this mom thought I was being judgmental about her leaving her kid alone, or maybe she was pissed because she HAD told the kid to wait at the table, or maybe she HATED the band KISS and she was outright offended by my shirt. In any case, I highly doubt she thought her daughter was involved in a Three Stooges-like kidnapping on roller skates attempt on my part or that my motives were coming from a place worthy of the bitchtastic look she gave me, but who knows.

I hightailed it back out to skate some more for a bit with the boys and had just sat down again to take a drink of water when I noticed some commotion on the rink. Someone had fallen and was not getting up. Just then, I noticed the same little girl at the same table standing on the same chair and crying in the same hysterical way. Her mother had fallen and, from what it looked like after she DID get up, had dislocated her shoulder, and the rest of the group were out assisting her and left the kid standing there worried about her mommy. This time, I soothed her from afar and told her that her mommy would be okay.

It makes me kind of sad that more often than not our default state is to think the worst of people. I know this is a scary world and that kids ARE kidnapped and that not everybody has pure intentions and as I said, I don’t know what I would have done if the roles were reversed.  More importantly, I wonder what Ryan Lochte would do? I don’t really wonder that, just had to work the name of the show back in again.

Look for me on the show sometime in April looking like a homeless person and accidentally managing to get in every shot!


2 Responses to “What WOULD Ryan Lochte Do?”

  1. kerbey June 26, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    Jeah! I think that’s what Lochte says. I didn’t realize how dim he was until I saw the show, so I think he would have been oblivious to the girl. My default mode is to assume everyone is trying to kidnap my son, and it’s an awful constant state of worry. The mom falling only reminded me of two years ago when I took my son rollerskating, and we were about to leave, but then “I Can’t Drive 55” came on, so what could I do but go represent for the coots? There I was passing teens right and left, remembering how the wind felt in my feathered hair in days of yore. I rounded a corner, the skate hit a chunk missing from the rubber floor, and suddenly I was on the ground in a pool of shame, bruised with a sprained boob and torn discs. And it still hurts. P.S. How could she not at LEAST like “Beth?” That is inoffensive.

    • Amy July 9, 2013 at 11:10 am #

      Okay, this whole comment cracked me up, though I am sorry about the boob pain and torn discs..OUCH.

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