Back to Your Regular Programming

11 Mar

I have read just about everything I can get my hands on regarding “typical” 11-year-old boy behavior and it has been confirmed that my child is typical, meaning a rather selfish testosterone laden creature with no impulse control.  He is funny, smart, stubborn and sweet as well, though the sweetness is often overshadowed by the others.  This past weekend I was treated to a bit of the sweetness.

Years ago in my quest to get my life on track after spectacularly running it into a ditch, I started reading about several different tactics to deal with anxiety and worries.  I had always practiced mental imagery so when I found an app for my Kindle Fire called a virtual worry box I jumped at the chance to lock my worries away.  The app consists of choosing from categories about what is currently causing anxiety.  Once the category is chosen you add the specific worry to a virtual box.  After that, tactics to handle the anxiety are also added to the box. The idea is that you will go back to the box and read the tactics and virtually  talk yourself out of worrying about those things, at least for a bit.stuart

I am a proponent of “hippie bullshit” like the above.  I have made friends with my feelings. Sat down for dinner with anger. Taken jealousy out for sushi. I have virtually shipped ugly feelings out to sea. I have taken dips in Lake ME. I am good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.  I coined the term “hippie bullshit” because I know that it is flaky and the more cynical side of my personality thinks I am a flake for using such methods, but the other side of me thinks “hey man, it’s cool.”

I added two worries to my virtual worry box at the first of the year during my purging and reevaluating for 2013. Some people make resolutions, I like to burn stuff and take my feelings out on the town.  The first worry I added was “I worry that I am screwing up my children” and the second was “I worry that I will never find love again.”

I know there are some parents who think they are doing everything right. I have read some of those parents’ blogs I think.  Presumably they never toss granola bars at their kids for breakfast as they are all running out the door. I could shake my fist and blame the time change, and while I really do hate the time change, except for that fall backwards one because extra hour of sleep, this was a typical morning and not one I can blame on the change.  I enjoy my children, we laugh together a lot, I have learned to be tough with them, and of course I love them immensely, but I never quite feel like I have a firm grasp on how to parent them.

The boys have said more than once that I remind them of the mom on a TV show called Good Luck Charlie, on the Disney Channel. The mom on the show is even named Amy. Amy on the show is rather loud and much to the kids chagrin, she has delusions that she is a STAR. She wants to entertain, even if it means butting in on her kids plays and shows.  I would never butt into the boys onstage, but I do love to make people laugh, and I think sometimes the boys wish I was just a different kind of mom.

The second worry is self-explanatory and admittedly, kind of stupid.  I wrote these worries not knowing my 11-year-old son would be on my Kindle and open the virtual worry box app and read them, but this past weekend, when he announced that my “virtual worry box was stupid” I discovered that’s what he did.

At first I lectured him about respecting other people’s privacy, and he apologized.  It was not until much later when I had my Kindle and saw that a new worry had been placed in the box that I knew the extent of what he did.  Inside the box, alongside my two worries, he added “You are the best mom ever and of course you will find love again” and the next part where you are supposed to put information to help you get over the anxiety he put “just cuz.” Even typing this makes me want to cry. It is SUCH a sweet sentiment and something I haven’t really seen from him for a while.

Of course, I am now worried about the  negative effects of knowing your mom is a super insecure human being but I will add that to the box later. As for now I will just revel in the fact that my sweet boy is still there.  My friend Cara told me to think of this difficult time as a commercial break, and we will get back to the regular programming of my sweet sensitive boy soon.  It was really nice to get a peek of that boy, once again, though when I tried to hug him he pushed me away. This is one looooong commercial, but the program is worth the wait.

6 Responses to “Back to Your Regular Programming”

  1. datinginvegas March 11, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

    That was great and brought tears to me eyes too. He loves his mommy 🙂

    • Amy March 11, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

      He DOES love his mommy 🙂

  2. donofalltrades March 11, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

    Sounds like you’re doing just fine with that boy!

    • Amy March 11, 2013 at 11:07 pm #

      Thank you! 🙂

  3. muddledmom March 11, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    I like the thought of a commercial break. I’ll have to remember that for next time I’m ripping my hair out. It’s good for our kids to know we’re human, and it’s sweet of him to console his mom. It just means you’re doing something right.

    • Amy March 11, 2013 at 11:08 pm #

      I know, it’s a great metaphor, isn’t it? 🙂

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