Hair Today. Hair Tomorrow

28 Feb

My ex-husband sent me this video, as well as the clip of this young lady appearing on Ellen.

I love the expression on her face. Poor girl.

As a woman who has spent many years of my life curling, straightening, pomading,drying, smoothing, dying, and even once in a fit of spectacularly bad judgement, perming my hair, I can relate to this darling girl.  I too have made choices in the name of hair beautification that have not turned out the way I planned.

My grandmother still proudly displays the picture I had taken when I was a senior in high school. The picture shows a fresh-faced 18 year old girl with a sunburn and hair that dares one to touch the huge mass of Aqua Netted curls. My hair is naturally curly yet in high school I wanted it to be curlier. And curlier it was.  And bigger.  The cheesy wooden bridge over a babbling brook background in the photograph is barely visible because of the giant curls. Come to think of it, that may not be a bad thing. The sunburn was courtesy of spending the weekend prior to the photo shoot at the beach. THAT part of the picture brings back good memories at least.

Messing with my hair has been a lifelong hobby. For the last several weeks, I have had to wear my hair in a ponytail practically non-stop because I thought I would “just thin” my hair a little bit. How hard could that be?

After purchasing a pair of thinning shears for $4.95 at the beauty supply store I thought, “this is going to be easy AND cheap! Oh the money I will save. My GOD I am so clever.”  I went home and immediately started to do what I had seen others do. Not taking into account the OTHERS were trained professionals, not just some jackass with a pair of thinning shears.  Next, this jackass, started lopping off hunks of hair starting right around the top of my ears. Why I chose this location, I don’t know.  After I had removed great masses of hair, I decided to take a shower, sure that I would emerge with perfectly cut hair.

It didn’t exactly work out like that. I emerged with…hair…but it was hard to really see my masterpiece when my hair was wet. After I dried it I thought, ohh, it just needs to be straightened.  Still not good. POMADE. I need pomade. Right. Not working either.  What in the world could be wrong with my hair? RIIIIGHT.  I cut it myself and I am neither a trained stylist nor Edward Scissorhands.

joan jett

If I was Joan Jett in 1984 this hair would be AWESOME

With a lot of coaxing I might sweet talk my hair into looking more like this. By Coaxing I mean drying, straightening, special pomade, and a short prayer out to the universe to take pity on me. If I am inside for the entire day and don’t touch it, it may stay like this for 30 minutes or so. I carry pony tail holders around with me at all times.

hair

When the stars align sometimes this happens

I would like to say I will never do anything to my hair again but, since we’re sharing, that is probably a lie.  Maybe hair that sticks out right at the ears will become a HUGE trend and I can say I am ahead of the curve. Probably not though.

4 Responses to “Hair Today. Hair Tomorrow”

  1. Good Golly Miss Molly February 28, 2013 at 2:51 am #

    This made me laugh because it’s funny and because I have the same “hair tweaking” problem. I found a book at the Library about how to cut my own hair. It works pretty well and one week out of six I look halfway decent. Love your humor…

    • Amy February 28, 2013 at 2:09 pm #

      I am glad I’m not alone! Maybe there is a support group for us out there somewhere.

      Thanks for reading and chuckling!

  2. datinginvegas February 28, 2013 at 3:48 am #

    First off that poor girl!!! Her face was priceless. The rest of this made laugh out loud!! I once thought I could give myself highlights. I mean I DID watch a 3 min youtube video which pretty much made me an expert. I will never ever ever mess with my hair again. I will spend the money…lol This post made me smile!

    • Amy February 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

      YOU are a smart lady. I will always mess with my hair. I have made peace with that.

      Thanks for reading 🙂

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