Red Carpet Review with Two Smartass Children

26 Feb

Oh the witty banter I was privy to last night while watching the Academy Awards red carpet show.  What sharp tongues! What controversial opinions! No, not Ryan Seacrest and all of the other fashionistas on the EChannel,  my two sons, ages 11 and 8. The boys  had definite thoughts on just about everything before the actual show started including “why do people care about what other people are wearing?” and “just what IS ‘side boob’?” I could handle the “side boob” question easy enough,  but the other one took a little more thought.

Why ARE we so interested in an award show for a small group of people who are really doing nothing more than getting dressed up and patting each other on the back? I think, and this is the answer I gave my 11 year old,  it is because of the glamour.  These people are fortunate enough to have lives that most of us do not, and will not, and it is fun to see how they spend their huge paychecks.  I will more than likely not ever be able to wear couture fashion or 2 million dollars worth of diamonds, but I can live vicariously through those who can and do. I can also play stylist to the stars…cough cough…Melissa McCarthy…cough cough.  Honey, call me.  We can do better.


Melissa McCarthy in David Meister,
or as I like to call him in this instance, “David MEH-ster”

While Melissa McCarthy was on my “worst dressed” list of the night, my 8 year old was not moved by Jennifer Aniston.  He called her dress “boring” and he was nonplussed by her hair as well. However, in all fairness, this child would only be impressed if she showed up in full armor brandishing a weapon of some sort. Anything else would rate a “boring” in his book.

"Ugh, that hair. No" My 8 year old son doesn't pull any punches.

“Ugh, that hair. No”
My 8 year old son was bored by her look.

After hearing Ryan Seacrest ask everybody “who are you wearing?” My 11 year old was concerned that stars had to wear other people’s clothes, and talk about that on TV.  I never thought about it before, but it is a strange thing to ask someone.

Both of the boys were fascinated by strapless dresses and how they stayed up. They seemed especially concerned about Charlize Theron. We had a nice long talk about the under-structure of a dress and the magic of double-sided tape.

Charlize and her gravity-defying Dior.

Charlize Theorn and her gravity-defying Dior.

Both of the boys agreed that Halle Berry looked the “smiliest” of all of the women on the red carpet.

She does have a lovely smile. And face. And dress.

She does have a lovely smile. And face. And dress. And earrings. And body.

Besides all of this delightful commentary, I was thrilled that the boys were agreeing and getting along so well with each other. This was awesome! I asked the boys what they would wear to the Oscars if they ever had the chance to go.  Let’s hope for everybody’s sake that it never happens because as of now my 8 year old would wear “some kind of silk shirt and no pants” and my 11 year old informed me that “unless it is Nike, it is ‘ratchet.’ ” “Ratchet” apparently means “bad” or “uncool”, though when I tried to confirm that it meant “uncool” I was told I was so “ratchet.”

Just when I was ready to clasp hands with the boys and sing a rousing chorus of “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”, my 8 year old passed gas which prompted his brother to dramatically declare this is why he didn’t have a girlfriend. Foolish me thought it was because he was only 8. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. It’s still awards season…right?

5 Responses to “Red Carpet Review with Two Smartass Children”

  1. MissFourEyes February 26, 2013 at 3:14 am #

    Haha! Your kids are awesome!

    • Amy February 26, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

      Thanks! They really are awesome.Exhausting and downright frustrating at times but yes, awesome as well.

  2. bensbitterblog February 26, 2013 at 4:57 am #

    I think they mentioned that Seacrest was looking for a partner to help him with the red carpet. So are you…r sons available to do it?

    • Amy February 26, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

      YEP! As long as Seacrest can deal with my 8 year old being pantsless on the red carpet and my 11 year old wearing nothing but Nike.

      • bensbitterblog February 27, 2013 at 4:22 am #

        As long as the don’t have bitter twitter feuds with Jennifer Lawrence.

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