Who ARE you?

26 Jan

My 11 year old son is going through a bit of a ….I’ll call it a ‘rough patch’. Let’s just say if you looked at my Google search history you would see ‘Normal 11 year old boy behavior ‘, ‘motivation techniques for 11 year old boys’, and ‘military camps for 11 year old boys’. Seriously.  He has always been strong-willed, stubborn, and SUPER smart.  His grades have always been okay, however. Could be better, but okay. He recently got two D’s on his report card and it’s not that he didn’t know the material,  it is that he just didn’t want to do the work or thought he would be able to coast by. His dad and I have used the term ‘hope he uses his powers for good and not evil’ more than once when referring to this child. Before you start to think that he sounds just awful, I will share with you that he is also a very sweet and empathetic kid. He feels strongly about civil rights, women’s rights, rights for everyone. He is funny and kind and sweet.

That said,  sometimes I don’t know who the hell he is. I feel like instead of arranging for tutoring in math I need to be calling a priest for an exorcism. I assume this is him careening into the teen years and MAN, does that scare the bejesus out of me. I remember that time oh so very well myself. Like any reluctantly hovering mom in this electronic age I have all of the passwords for his Facebook, Instagram, and Email accounts. It was a requirement that he share them with his dad and I before he be allowed to have an iPod (Christmas gift from my sister). Recently, he has had the iPod taken away for the ‘rough patch’,  so I took it upon myself to click through his text messages. What I found there shocked me.

Besides the filthy language from everybody involved, girls and boys (okay, maybe I wasn’t shocked about that but that is another blog post) I was shocked to see the absolute ANGST about liking a girl who did not like him.  This, coupled with seeing him deleting some pictures from his Facebook account because he didn’t like the way he looked, just broke my heart.  I hate to say it, but I thought the insecurities about who liked who and appearance was reserved for girls. I hate that I thought this. I am the first person to be outraged at gender specific toy packaging or advertising and here I was putting my kid in a ‘boy’ box. SIGH.

Times like this I want to take him and hug him and tell him everything will be FINE, and it will, and that’s what I do and he squirms away and he rolls his eyes and tells me to go away and I feel like not only do I not know him, I can’t reach him.  And then, as he is getting ready for bed, he asks me how many times I have been ‘dumped’ and I tell him I have no idea, I try to forget the bad stuff and focus on the good (I’ve been dumped like 8 times but that’s not the point)  and he nods slowly and tells me he loves me and I hug him and tell him everything will be FINE and he lets me hug him for a little longer this time before squirming away. Times like THIS I feel like maybe I do know him and I can reach him and I’ve got a handle on this after all. Until tomorrow at least.

4 Responses to “Who ARE you?”

  1. datinginvegas February 3, 2013 at 4:38 am #

    I can relate. I have two sons 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    • Amy February 4, 2013 at 7:53 pm #

      Thank YOU! So glad you can relate. I am really enjoying your blog.

  2. datinginvegas February 4, 2013 at 10:56 pm #

    I enjoy yours as well! I have a 13 yr old son and sometimes he just shakes his head at me like I am from another planet 🙂 Keep up the good work-us single moms got to stick together!

  3. Carol Clayton February 5, 2013 at 12:27 am #

    Oh my sweet Amy. At least he still talks to you.

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