Here Comes Santa Claus

22 Dec

I believed in Santa Claus well after I was old enough to NOT believe in Santa Claus.  Maybe I just wanted to, or maybe I had been dropped on my head as a child, whatever the reason, I believed.

Last year my eldest, then 10, woke up and came out to the living room when I was in the  middle of putting everything out. The cat was out of the bag.  I yelled at him, he cried, it was AWFUL. One of my worst parenting moments.  We talked it out last Christmas Eve and I apologized for yelling at him and I told him to please not tell his brother because his brother is like I was and shows no signs of wavering in his belief.

I have written a few times about how my eldest can be a little difficult. He’s very strong willed and very smart. A combination that will serve him well as an adult, but does not make him the easiest child to raise. I hope that I also convey how sensitive and sweet he is. This past month he made one of those portable North Pole videos from Santa for his brother, using pictures and putting in what his brother wants and everything. He called him in and showed it to him on the computer and his brother was thrilled.

Somewhere deep inside me I want to think that maybe my eldest still believes in Santa the way that I do. Santa lives on through the eyes of children and in anybody who gives of themselves. I am so proud of both of my boys and this Christmas Eve they are over at their dad’s for the night, though I am going over for hot cocoa and to sprinkle the ‘magic cornfeed’ and to give them their Christmas pillowcases and tuck them in, then I will be back home for the night, then go over first thing in the morning. It’s different than I would prefer, but it’s the best that it CAN be, and for that, as well as so many other things, I am grateful

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